I found out today that my coffee is broken. Yes, you read that right. My coffee. Not the pot. The pot works fine, if not a little slow. I complained to my wife that I had no energy and felt generally lethargic all day for several days. I told her that my coffee intake had increased dramatically and I was sleeping more, but it wasn’t helping any longer. I also don’t want to leave my room and have to deal with people. Being a Doctor of psychology, she immediately began questioning my mental and emotional state.
“I’ve never been depressed before. So I don’t know what depression feels like to begin with so how can I tell you if I’m feeling depressed?”
She then suggested that about all I may be missing is a sense of hopelessness.
“I don’t feel hopeless though. I know what that feels like. I felt it once when Lyme’s disease was trying to kill me. I know how to fix that feeling. It’s called morphine on demand. It worked when I was in the hospital.”
“Go pick up a vitamin B supplement and see if that helps,” she offered.
“I get plenty of that in my coffee? Besides, you suggest morphine and then offer vitamin B as a substitute?”
“When did I….”
“When you suggested, in a roundabout way, morphine for depression,” I began.
“No. Just no,” she cut me off. “And there is no vitamin B in your coffee.”
“WTH? My coffee is broken? Now I am depressed. I’ll see doc about that morphine.”
Left thumb to cheek. Left fingers cover eyes. And there it is, folks. Her signature sign that she thinks I’m a genius!